logo The Bicycle Rack   New Paltz, NY
 
grid
swoosh BICYCLE RACK
sales and service since 1974
Phone: 845.255.1770
13 North Front Street
New Paltz, NY 12561
 
 
 

Home
Locate Us
Contact Us
Bicycles
Bicycle Repairs
Parts & Accessories
Where to Ride
Local Organizations
Local Events
Indoor Cycling Center
**indoor cycling
Company Links
Menu item 12
Humor
Repair Classes
**Repair Classes
Jerseys

  Humor


The Secret Language of the Workplace

Employer Lingo --

Competive Salary
We remain competive by paying less than our competitors

Join our fast-paced team
We have no time to train you

Casual work atmosphere
We don't pay enough to expect you to dress well

Must be deadline oriented
You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day

Some overtime required
Some time each night and some time each weekend

Duties will vary
Anyone in the shop can boss you around

Problem-solving skills a must
You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos

Requires leadership skills
You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect

Employee Lingo --

I'm extremely adept at all manner of organization
I can make my own coffee

I'm honest, hard-working and dependable
I only pilfer offfice supplies

My work experience includes ...
I hope you don't ask me about all the McJobs I've had

I'm personable
I give lots of unsolicited personal advice to co-workers

I am adaptable
I've changed jobs a lot

I am on-the-go
I am never at my work station

I'm highly motivated to succeed
The minute I find a better job, I'm outta here


Cartoon 1

Cartoon 2

Cartoon 3


The Simplified Bicycle Racer Category Chart

Category 1
Walks on water, trains on ice, rides in anything. Sprints two kilometers. Will attack on a 30% grade, going up or down. Can change flats while riding. Resting heart rate is between 30 and 35, max heart rate is 200 to 230. Measures distance training in terms of Tour de France stages.

Category 2
Rides across water, trains in snow. Sprints one kilometer. Will attack on a 10% grade, going up or down. Can change flats while still in the pedals. Resting heart rate is between 40 and 45, max heart rate is 185 to 200. Measures distance training in terms of centuries per day.

Category 3
Rides through water. Sprints 500 to 600 meters. Will attack on a 5% grade going down. Can change flats in under 3 minutes, but must get off the bike first. Resting heart rate is between 50 and 55, max heart rate is 185 to 200. Measures distance training in terms of centuries per week.

Category 4
Rides around water. Sprints 200 to 300 meters. Will attack on the flats. Can change a flat in under 5 minutes. Resting heart rate is between 50 and 60, max heart rate is 160 to 180. Measures distance training in terms of 10's per day.

Category 5
Rides in light rain. Sprints 50 to 100 meters. Will attack on the flat if someone in front falls down. Can change flats in best two out of three tries. Resting heart rate is between 60 and 70, max heart rate is 160 to 170. Measures distance training in terms of miles per day.

Citizen
Rides alternate July17th's, if it isn't too hot and there are no pro sports on the tube. Sprints two meters with 20 minute rest stops. Will attack a pizza with both hands. Has noticed that the rear tire has been flat for two years. Resting heart rate is 90, max heart rate is 93. Measures distance training in terms of how far it is to the nearest Baskin-Robbins.


toon We have to admit we are fans of The Simpsons. Mr. Burns is Alan's role model and Mike has much in common with Homer. And don't you think that Joe bears a striking resemblance to Bart Simpson?

The Wit and Wisdom of Homer J. Simpson
Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen. If you really want something in life you have to work for it. Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers. Marge, don't discourage the boy! Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals! Except the weasel.
I want to share something with you - the three sentences that will get you through life.
Number 1: Cover for me.
Number 2: Oh, good idea, boss
Number 3: It was like that when I got here.
Lisa, if you don't like your job you don't go on strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way. Maybe, just once, someone will call me "Sir" without adding "you're making a scene."

Cartoon 3

It has been reported that Bill Gates compared the computer industry with the auto industry stating; "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon."

In response, GM issued a press release stating: "If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:"


Kid Toon
 arrow
Back to Top
 





13 North Front Street  |   New Paltz, NY 12561  |   Ph: 845.255.1770  

OPEN: 9-5 Tues-Sat ; open until 7pm on Thursdays


logo